amour sans retour (Oikawa Tooru x male reader)

This story is from a girl's POV

Oikawa Tooru, the one guy who single handedly managed to get the entire female population of Aoba Johsai's panties soaking wet with just his smiles was in the same class as me. I can totally see why most women found him appealing, He did have that face that made you wonder if God had actually spent the unaccounted 7th day of creation carving his face. But if you'd ask me if I were one of those several females that cornered and badgered him at every free minute of the day, my answer is No. Did I have a crush on him? again No, From a long time ago, heart had already been set on the (h/c)ed guy who sat a in front of me in the class .(L/n)(F/n). If you were ask anyone else at school about him, They'd probably tell you not to mess with him in general or that he was a nobody, But to me, he was everything... and he was someone else's too.

I am just another girl at Aoba Johsai in my final year of High School, and this story isn't about me. I'm probably a minor actor or maybe just a bystander who happened to watch the scenes unfold in front of her. My presence or my absence in it wouldn't have changed a single thing.

As usual Oikawa entered the class with several girls around him and he took his place on the chair next to (y/n) he did everyday,he would tug at the ear pod in (y/n)'s ear and wish him a too cheerful "~Good morning, (y/n) -chan~" which earned him a "Shut up trash" and a middle finger before the other would plug in his earpods and turn away from him, he'd either doze off or look out the window as Oikawa's many fan girls huddled around calling him rude and so on. There were rumours flying around that (y/n) was a gang member, someone who treated women like dirt, well he did occasionally come to school with bruises. But I knew he was not all those things they called him, he may not remember it but two years ago he did save me from a bunch of drunks on my way home from the convenience store, he was gone before I could thank him. And later when I found that we were in the same class and thanked him, all I got was an "eh, Is that so?" and an "I don't remember" with a blank face on.Looking back, I wonder how on earth had I never noticed him before. But I did not hate him for being so blunt. It just spurred me on, I wanted to know him better.

When you begin to fall in love with someone you find yourself noticing the little things they do, the urge to know more about them,I noticed that he chewed the tip of the pencils when he was trying to concentrate on something, doodle on his notes or fell asleep only during Maths classes. He had a new shounen manga to read every week. and sometimes when the wind blew I can smell his cologne, a subtle citrus with a hint of spice. He always looked pissed when Oikawa was around and Oikawa didn't help by incessantly  badgering him. Picked out the vegetables from his lunch into a neat stack at the corner and after lunch he always had a melon creamy soda from the vending machine.. Beginning to sound like a creep, aren't I? He rarely smiled but I did manage to catch sight of a few of them.

For some reason, Oikawa always found some way to annoy him. The chatter of his fangirls always irritated (y/n)and he made it known to Oikawa. "Can you pick another seat, somewhere far away from me? these chicks are fucking loud and annoying as hell" he snarked. "But (y/n)-chan I like this seat!I can see everything perfectly from here, isn't that so girls?" he said as he draped his arms around two of them, earning a disgusted look from (L/n)(y/n) and a smack on his head from Iwaizumi Hajime.

"(L/n)-kun, can I borrow a pencil?" I asked, trying to start at least some form of communication with him. This was our last year, it was now or never. He rummaged through his bag and handed me a blue pencil, " keep it." that's all he said. Firecrackers exploded in my head. He gave me a pencil!! The next day I placed a melon soda on his desk to show him my gratitude, and he gave me a miniscule smile. And sometimes we small talked, well it was mostly me trying to start a conversation and him with his monosyllabic answers or ignoring me. Like for example, "(L/n)-kun? what manga are you reading?" He just held the book to show me the title, "oh! what is it about?" then he turned the book to show me the summary behind. That's how most of our conversations were.He never encouraged me on to pursue him but then again neither did he discourage.

One day as I made my way to the library, I heard someone call out my name. It was Oikawa Tooru himself. "Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked me, It didn't take a genius to figure out he looked pissed, "Yeah, sure Oikawa-kun". "Why are you always trying to talk to (y/n)?" he spat. I honestly don't know why he was raging for right now,
"Do you have some sort of crush on him?"
My mouth fell open, I wanted to say something back but nothing came out.
" Or it's one of those stupid girly kinks for those rude mysterious male characters that are broody and cold!" he sneered.
That was it! and before I could stop myself,I delivered a nice hard slap across his face.
"How dare you say something like that! (L/N)(F/N) is so much more, he may come off as cold but he is a good person! what would a selfish person like you know!" I was seething with rage right now.
"He cannot give you what you want." he said, his voice low and his face cast in a shadow.
"That is none of your goddamn business!" I shouted at him. Seriously though what was his problem, hah,on second thought I should have seen it coming. 
"Leave him alone, go run along and find someone else." He said as he looked right into my eyes, his cheek slightly swollen from the slap.
"Shove a cactus up your ass,you fucking douche" I said as I turned around and left. I still didn't understand why he was pissed, was he so insecure that all his fangirls would leave him.Or did he have some weird crush on me. But why was he so fucking rude? Fuck him, 

"You won't believe what I saw!!"someone exclaimed."I saw Tooru and (y/n) fighting outside!!like punching and stuff!!" and everyone gathered around asking for details, My heart froze. Was it my fault? I mean I knew Oikawa and (L/N) weren't the bestest friends out there in the world but it never escalated to violence. I quickly made my way out to the courtyard, there were no brawls going on. I ran around the empty corridors, across empty classes. Till I heard familiar voices, and loud rattling and cussing. I was afraid that they might hurt each other and threw open the door. Nothing on earth could have prepared me for what came next.

There in that empty class, clothes discarded, Oikawa his face was flushed, he lay sprawled on his stomach on the desk, (y/n)-kun's tall frame positioned behind him. His hands on Oikawa's waist. " Fuck!(y/n) you didn't close the door!"
My trembling hands on my mouth trying to hold back the  cries that threatened to spill out as I saw their startled faces.
Hah, So that was what he meant. He could not give me what I want. I never had a chance, did I?  And like that, I felt my heart break into a thousand tiny pieces as I turned around and ran, tears dripping from my face. 

(Y/N) called me one day during the lunch break, "I need to talk to you?" I just nodded my head and followed him to the school terrace, as he turned around to face me, " I didn't tell anyone and I am not planning to either." I said before he could say anything. "Ah, Thank you for that." he muttered.

"I'm sorry" he said.
I am surprised," Huh? what are you apologizing for, (y/n)-kun?"
" I don't know, I just felt like I should" he said.
"How's Oikawa?" I asked, he hadn't come to school for a few days now since that day.
"He's fine now." he said with a faint smile.
"Do you love him,(y/n)-kun?" I asked, say no.. my heart begged. 
"Yeah, I do." His smile as he said that, Oh God! I really wanted to cry. All the time I watched him, I had never seen him smile this way. That smile that was never going to be mine. 
"I wish you guys luck" I said, mustering a smile, making a 'thumbs up' sigh at him.
"Hah, Thank you" he said rubbing the back of his head. 
The wind blew, I catch the scent of his oh so familiar cologne, the wind running through his (h/c) hair, the summer uniform shirt clinging to his toned body. 
"Can I have a hug?" I ask.
"Eh? sure?" he said, confusion dancing in his eyes.
 
So this is how it would have felt being held by him, When he wrapped his arms around me, copying my action. Here I am embracing my very First Love, who will never mine. Ah, my heart breaks because his embrace is warm, that smile before.. I could never be the reason for it. 
"Are you crying?" he asked me his face ridden with genuine concern, So this is the side of him Oikawa would be the only one to see. I am envious.

"I'm just happy for you (y/n), you're a good person." I said "But I need to go,goodbye (y/n) " I bow and apologized before I leave, not turning back lest he sees the tears that fell freely down my face.
To think this would be the longest conversation we ever had.  

The next day, Oikawa was back.

There (Y/n) lay asleep during maths class, the pencil lay limp in his long beautiful fingers, his lips slightly parted. I turned to Oikawa, only to see him gazing at the sleeping (y/n), a smile on his face. So he loved him too, I never noticed it because my gaze was only directed at (y/n)(l/n)  since day one. He should have felt me watching him. The setter turned back to look at me and mouthed a " Thank you" before giving me a smile. I just nod my head in reply and look away.
Did I regret falling for (y/n)? my answer is no. Not one bit, He was a wonderful person, and even though it hurts, I am glad that my heart chose to fall for him. I truly am gald he was my first love. I'd do it all over again, For him.

Thank God, It's our last year and just a handful of months away from graduation.